we both know that being engaged has been one of the most exhausting parts of our relationship. it hasn’t been dizzingly blissful. it hasn’t been entirely happy. and it hasn’t been anything like I’d expected. our hands are calloused and our hearts are hard.

but I promise you, I will pick at my brain until only the good pieces blow like free debris through me.

the ice-watered down kisses on the corners of my mouth. the wrap around yellow leather couch- us in the corner- my body enveloped next to yours. food network on when I win and discovery channel on when you win. trips across two states to snow and family. broken cars and blessings and birthdays. halloween and thanksgiving and christmas. our spirits meeting for the first time. my ring and the words fastened to it. new years eve with board games and sleepy kisses and promises. forgiving. starting over.

I can easily say- I have never loved you more.

I am here because I want to be. I’m here because I want you.

45 days, sweet boy.
 

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